Dumb laws - You gotta love 'em!
In Elko, Nev. everyone walking the streets is required to wear a mask. (Have you seen what some of those people look like?)
In California, sunshine is guaranteed to the masses. Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. (How would they know?)
It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle unless the target is a whale. (I can't see this happening on the freeways.)
No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour. In Arcadia, peacocks have the right of way to cross any street, including driveways.
In Baldwin Park, nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.
Bathhouses are illegal. The actual law reads: Every building or place used as a bathhouse which as a primary activity encourages or permits conduct that according to the guidelines of the federal Centers for Disease Control can transmit AIDS, including, but not limited to, anal intercourse, oral copulation, or vaginal intercourse, is a nuisance which shall be enjoined, abated, and prevented, and for which damages may be recovered, whether it is a public or private nuisance.
For purposes of this subdivision, a "bathhouse" is to be defined as a business which, as its primary purpose, provides facilities for a spa, whirlpool, communal sauna, steam bath, mineral bath, mud bath, or facilities for swimming. This law was enacted shortly after the AIDS epidemic came into focus in the 1980's. Bathhouses were one of the primary places people could go for anonymous sex. This law was designed to curtail exposure to HIV and other STD's.
My home state of Massachusetts has its share of wacky laws. It is illegal to give beer to hospital patients. Candy may not contain more than 1 percent of alcohol. At a wake, mourners may eat no more than three sandwiches. Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public. Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts. All men must carry a rifle to church on Sunday. But, hunting on Sundays is prohibited. It is illegal to go to bed without first having a full bath. A woman cannot be on top in sexual activities. And, no gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car. (Is this really a problem?)
Now that is what lawmakers are concerned about back East. Let's see what concerns folks in the wild, wild, west. Let's see what Montanans are concerned about: One may not pretend to abuse an animal in the presence of a minor. It is a felony for a wife to open her husband's mail.
It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime (who are they going to bust, the studios?) In Montana, it is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to fish alone at all. It is illegal for a man and a woman to have sex in any other position other than missionary style. Seven or more Indians are considered a raiding or war party and it is legal to shoot them. (That is not politically correct, is it?)
In Billings, no person shall raise pet rats. Persons in possession of a "pea shooter" risk it being confiscated by police. It is illegal to bring a bomb or rocket to city council proceedings. In Excelsior Springs, hard objects may not be thrown by hand. Worrying squirrels will not be tolerated. (What do squirrels need to worry about? No nuts?) Balls may not be thrown within the city limits. (I guess no baseball players will ever come from Excelsior Springs.
Well, that's it for now. -Mace
