Leg Up
From the Desk of Mace

What you did to two new teams.  21 two 601 one 12111 01.  12 22 221 1210.  Here’s one Legs, and men’s rooms and the law.

Talk about having a leg up. Shake a leg or as or break a leg, but cut a leg? In Show Biz, break a leg is supposed to be good luck, because good luck is supposed to be bad luck. Truth is stranger than fiction. I hate custody battles. They can get ugly. I once had a divorce that dragged on for years because of a custody dispute of Muffy the poodle. We eventually worked out a 50/50 visitation schedule and it was done. (I did offer each party to buy them another poodle, but it would not have been Muffy! (But custody of a leg?)

Maiden North Carolina police said Tuesday a  man opened up a smoker and saw what he thought was a piece of driftwood wrapped in paper. When he unwrapped it, he found a human leg, cut off 2 to 3 inches above the knee. The smoker had been sold at an auction of items left behind at a storage facility, so investigators contacted the mother and son who had rented the space where the smoker was found.

The mother, Peg Steele, (Is that the perfect name or what?) explained her son had his leg amputated after a plane crash and kept the leg following the surgery "for religious reasons" she doesn't know much about. (I wonder what religion is that.).

"The rest of the family was very much against it," Steele said. Her son, John Wood (another great name but Peg Wood would have been better), plans to drive to Maiden, about 35 miles northwest of Charlotte, to reclaim his amputated leg, police said. Last weekend I was fixing a Barbie doll that was missing her arms. I called her Ariel amputee but I digress.

John Wood who stored his severed leg in a barbecue smoker (do you think it would taste like chicken?) that was later auctioned off is locked in a custody dispute with the man who found it.  John Wood's leg was amputated near the knee after a 2004 airplane crash. He asked doctors to give it to him so he could be buried as a whole man when he died.  The limb, which Wood had kept in the smoker at a storage facility after he lost his home, was bought by Shannon Whisnant last Tuesday in an auction of items from units that were behind on rent.

Whisnant initially gave it to police, who subsequently turned it over to a funeral home when it became clear it was not the result of foul play. He then put a sign on the empty smoker charging adults $3 and children $1 for a look, wants it back. "He's making a freak show out of it," Wood, of Greenville, S.C., told The Charlotte Observer. "He wants to put money in his pocket with this thing."

Whisnant tried unsuccessfully to get the leg from the funeral home. He has consulted with a lawyer and decided his best move was to persuade Wood to share custody and profits. (I’ve heard about a 3 legged race, but this is ridiculous!) "It's a strange incident and Halloween's just around the corner," Whisnant said. "The price will be going up if I get (a stake in) the leg."  Wood, who is heading to Maiden to pick up his leg, said the two men can meet, but he is not interested in using the leg to make money.  "I just think it's despicable," he said. "I don't mind having the 15 minutes of fame, but I'm not looking to really profit off this thing."

Now let’s talk about another frivolous lawsuit. A New York Jets season-ticket holder filed a class-action lawsuit Friday against the New England Patriots and coach Bill Belichick for "deceiving customers."

The lawsuit filed in U.S. District Court in Newark, N.J., by Carl Mayer of Princeton, N.J., stems from the Patriots being caught videotaping signals from Jets coaches, in violation of league rules, in New England's 38-14 season-opening win Sept. 9.. Mayer, the litigant and one of the lawyers, 9you know what they say. A lawyer that represents himself has a fool for a client!) is seeking more than $184 million in damages for Jets ticket holders you may wonder how .he came up with that figure?!

It was calculated that because customers paid $61.6 million to watch eight "fraudulent" games, they're entitled to triple that amount -- or $184.8 million -- in compensation under the federal Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organization Act and the New Jersey Consumer Fraud Act. Mayer and his co-counsel Afran, consider themselves public interest lawyers, and have been thorns in the side of New Jersey politicians for years, filing lawsuits and demanding investigations to advance their grievances. They are well known in the state but generally have had little success in their causes. I’m sure Belichick will come up with a stellar defense for this one!

Since we are on a weird tangent, check this out! Tommy Tester, 58, minister of Gospel Baptist Church in Bristol, Va., was arrested in July after he allegedly urinated at a car wash, in front of children and police officers, while wearing a skirt. (Police said alcohol was involved.) .What does he think he is one of the whiz kids? I’d like to know what he thinks is gospel.

In another bad day for celebrities, New York Knicks’ President Isiah Thomas, was found liable for sexual harassment. Also liable was Madison square garden (How does a sports arena commit sexual harassment? Only in NYC) and James Dolan the chairman of the New York Knicks. The jury awarded Anucha Browne.11.6 million dollars. Needless to say the Defendants will appeal.

But sports celebrities do not have the only claim to fame on stupidity, stubbornness and sheer gall! Let talk about US senator Larry Craig. First he tried to with draw his plea regarding “disorderly conduct“ in an airport restroom. According to the police report. Senator Craig. Touched his foot to the undercover cop’s (UC) foot in the next stall tapped his foot,  (Indicative according to UC as a signal of those wishing to engage in lewd conduct) wiggled his fingers under the stall divider, and put his roller bag against the stall door. According to the UC putting the bag in the front of the stall blocks the view of the other users of the bathroom by those who engage in lewd conduct.

I'm not sure exactly what Craig did that was illegal, as opposed to merely peculiar. However, he did plead guilty. Moreover, if it's all a misunderstanding, it's a misunderstanding that Craig seems to attract a lot 1982 in which Craig denied being part of a House page sex scandal. Last October, There were allegations of Michael Rogers of BlogActive   that he has met with several men who claim to have had sex with Craig. Craig has repeatedly stated that he is not gay.( Does this remind you of Nixon saying “I am not a crook?) He has supported amending the Constitution to ban gay marriage, there is no saint like a reformed sinner, or regarding Senator Craig, there is no sinner like a reformed Saint. As my old pal Billy Joel says ’I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints because the sinners are much more fun...” Craig doesn’t sound too much fun to me.

Despite a Minnesota court upholding his disorderly conduct plea, Sen. Larry Craig has announced that he will not resign.  In response to a court ruling in which he lost a bid to withdraw his guilty plea stemming from an airport men's room sex sting:  In a statement issued Thursday October, 4th Craig said: "I am extremely disappointed with the ruling issued today. I am innocent of the charges against me.( Then what were you doing in that restroom, looking for Colonel mustard and trying to clean his pipe? And more importantly why did you plead guilty?) I continue to work with my legal team to explore my additional legal options."

But regardless of how he feels, Larry Craig is guilty -- at least for now. The 27-page ruling from Hennepin County Judge Charles Porter found that "the defendant knew what he was saying, reading and signing" when he pleaded guilty (by mail) in August to charges stemming from his now infamous wide stance affair with an undercover cop in the Minneapolis -St Paul Airport, men’s restroom.

Originally the senior Republican had said he would resign on Sept. 30, but later Craig had a change of heart, announcing that he would fight the plea and only resign if it was upheld. Now he says it is still possible for him to continue working effectively and serving his constituents. So Craig plans to serve out his third term, which expires in 2009. "When my term has expired," he wrote in his statement "I will retire and not seek re-election.”Maybe he’ll change his mind about that too

Larry, as I say to all of my clients, “If you are not guilty, plead not guilty” at the very least don’t go looking for love in all the wrong places ( like stalls in the men’s room) and keep your toe tapping on the dance floor, so you wont put your foot in your mouth. That’s all for now Mace

Mace Yampolsky is criminal defense lawyer located at 625 South Sixth Street Las Vegas Nevada 89101. His office number is 702-385-9777.  His website is www.macelaw.com.  His column appears weekly in this newspaper. If you would like to comment on this article, he can be reached by email at mjy@macelaw.com